I'll Be Home For Christmas
by karis j anderson
Summary: It's Christmas and Edward is coming home...because home is the place that, when you go there, they have to take you, right?


**Just a little one~shot that I wrote for the Christmas Drabble contest over on ADF called Edward's Nightmare Before Christmas. The terms of the contest were as such: **

**"~must be vampfic and CANON **

** ~1,000 word minimum, but remember, this is drabblefic, so don't go writing a novel. 1000 word ballpark would be lovely.**

** ~no killing edward. no dead edward at all.**

** ~no nessie, renesmee, spawn, etc.**

** ~set ten years after eclipse**

** ~do with bella what you will-vamp or human, whatevs."**

**So I took up the gauntlet. They wanted depressed Edward...so I gave them one. No, it didn't win (I never win LOL) but someone on twitter did tell me that I made them hate Bella ;)**

**So...read on!**

* * *

><p><strong>I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS<strong>

The axe swung, straight and true, hitting the tree square on the trunk. Another big chunk of wood flew out of the gash in the side of the tree. The smell of fresh cut wood filled the air, though he hardly noticed.

_One more swing ought to do it_, he thought as he brought axe to wood once more with all of his strength.

The mighty pine shuddered once before falling over onto its side, sticky sap oozing from the fatal wound.

Silently, Edward dropped the axe into the snow, forgetting immediately that it was even there, and grabbed a hold of the tree trunk. Effortlessly, he hoisted the heavy log up and dragged the huge evergreen behind him, his somber face showing no signs of the bitter cold as the snow and wind stung his pale cheeks.

He walked quietly, swiftly, through the snow, the tree gliding along behind him a silent victim dragged through the snow. This was when it hurt the most, when the dead spot where his beating heart used to be ached as though he were still human. He had no idea that ten years later, the loss could still affect him so profoundly.

He stopped walking when he came to the end of the forest, to the huge Italianite villa that sat squarely in the clearing. Edward dropped the tree, flopping down on the snow covered ground to stare. Sparkling white lights strung all along the windows, bushes and roof glowed in the twilight. Alice's handiwork, he knew. He closed his eyes, imagining the happiness of Christmas's past, remembering fantasies of Christmas futures that were never to be.

Excited voices in his mind brought him from his memories, back to the present. They knew he had arrived, because they knew he always came home for Christmas. He waited until they had calmed themselves, quieted down so as not to upset him. He smiled to himself, perhaps for the first time since the year before.

Carlisle's voice resonated deep within his head.

_Welcome home, son_.

With that, Edward stood, dusting the snow that had accumulated off of his jeans, and grabbed his tree, pulling it behind him as he approached the house. The warmth from his family's love was already beginning to fill him.

This is what it felt like to be home.

_Home_.

If only the word could thaw his frozen heart and stop the ache within it that being _home_ created.

He opened the back door and stepped in as though he'd just run to the market to pick up a carton of milk for his mother.

"Carlisle? Esme? I'm home."

Esme bustled into the kitchen, smiling as Edward shook the snow from his wild copper hair.

"Edward! Look at you! You're a mess!" Esme smiled as she rushed to him, arms open wide for a hug.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Esme." His lips quirked into a crooked smile as he let his mother envelope him in a warm, tight embrace. He hugged her back just as tightly, closing his eyes and savoring the feeling.

"Edward!" Carlisle stood in the kitchen doorway, smiling.

_Are you ok?_

Edward looked up from Esme's shoulder and nodded. "I am now." He broke from Esme's embrace and went to his maker.

"And I see you've brought the tree." Carlisle's smile was warm. "How thoughtful."

_Alice is dying to see you. Says she knows what you got her._

"Don't I always bring the tree?" He wrapped his arms around the older vampire, startling him. Finally Carlisle sighed contentedly and returned the gesture. This was what family did, wasn't it?

"We've missed you, son."

"I've missed you too, Carlisle."

"Everyone's waiting in the living room. Grab the tree and let's get it up!" Esme danced into the living room.

"Let me help you." Carlisle picked up the sticky trunk of the tree while Edward grabbed the top boughs. Gently, they manipulated the thick pine through the kitchen doorframe and into the living room, where a tree stand stood ready.

"Edward! I know what you got me!" Alice skipped up to him, planting a quick kiss on his cheek. "And welcome home!"

"Thanks." He smiled. "And how do you know I didn't get you something different?"

"Because I can see the future, silly."

Edward rolled his eyes. It was nearly impossible to surprise Alice.

"Welcome home, Edward." Jasper stood by the fireplace, warming his cool, marble hands in front of the flames.

"Good to see you, Jasper." Edward heaved his end of the tree up as Carlisle settled the trunk into the waiting base.

"As usual, you've managed to cut the trunk exactly the right size, Edward. This is something that never ceases to amaze me." Carlisle stood up, scratching his head with wonder.

"One of my many talents." Edward smiled as he shifted the huge pine around, looking for the best side to face front.

"You are a talentless hack, my brother." Emmett's big voice boomed into the living room. He carried several boxes of Christmas ornaments in his muscular arms. "But we're happy to have you back anyway."

"Speak for yourself." Rosalie walked behind him, arms filled with perfectly wrapped bundles of lights.

"Rosie, without Edward, would we have the perfect tree year after year?" Emmett placed the boxes carefully in front of the tree.

Rosalie looked at her husband. "Surely you can't be serious."

Emmett smiled, knowing the power his dimples had over his wife. "Yes, I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, tossing bundles of lights at Edward. "Welcome home, Emo~ward."

_You know I don't mean it. I really am happy to see you._

Edward smiled at his sister and they got to work stringing lights, draping tinsel and hanging hundred year old glass ornaments until the tree was glowing with light, silver and shimmering mercury glass. Presents in colorful wrappings sat under the tree.

The Cullen's sat, admiring their tree.

"It's the most beautiful tree yet!" Alice's amber eyes were filled with the sparkling reflection of the tree.

"You say that every year, Alice." Rosalie shook her head.

"I mean it every year." Alice leaned her head onto Jasper's shoulder.

Edward wandered around the living room, restless. It always happened. Once the excitement of being home and decorating the tree wore off, he felt it again. The desire to run. He ran his and along the furniture, feeling the bumps of the wood grain against his finger tips until finally flopping down at the antique desk in the corner.

His head whipped around as he heard it.

_Dear God please don't let him open that drawer!_

His deep, golden eyes narrowed and met Alice's wide pleading ones.

The desk drawer slid open and he saw it, saw what his sister didn't want him to see.

_Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Love, The Blacks_

The photo showed a smiling, happy family of four, dressed in their holiday finery.

She still looked the same, ten years later. Still looked like she had the last time he had seen her. Before she left. Before he stood waiting at an altar she'd had no intention of walking toward, of meeting him at. Before his still, frozen heart died a second, eternal death at her heartless hand.

"Edward! No!"

But it was too late. He'd already turned the card over and read the hand written note.

_Big news, Alice! Our little family is expanding! My due date is December 31, but you probably know better than the doctor when our new baby girl will be born! Our love to all! Bella, Jacob, Charles & Wills_

The card fluttered from his fingers. His eyes closed and he crumbled to the floor, wailing from the pain within. Esme reached him first, cradling his head in her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair, trying in vain to ease his pain as she cooed soothing words to him.

Alice hugged Jasper tightly.

"This happens every year. He always finds her card, no matter where we hide it."

"Maybe he wants to find it." Jasper mused.

"I think he senses it, Jazz. I think he just _knows_." She buried her face in his shirt.

Rosalie moved next to Alice, arms folded across her chest, concern in her voice. "Will he ever get over it, Alice?"

"I…I can't see it. It's always foggy when I try to see Christmas future."

"It's because she keeps finding us. Every year, no matter where we live, no matter what names we use. She finds us and sends a card." Emmett shook his head.

"Bitch." Rosalie's face scrunched up. "She's done nothing but hurt him for ten years. It's like a Cullen Christmas Tradition."

"Every year she sends it. Every year he finds it." Jasper shook his head.

"Yet, every year, he comes home." Alice closed her eyes.

Edward's body shuddered with tearless sobs. How could he tell them? How could they understand? Who would believe that the only way he could feel alive was by feeling the pain that only she could inflict on him? That he came home _for_ the pain? That the pain was the only way he knew that, in his entire pathetic existence, he was once alive and in love and, for the briefest of moments, was loved back? That each Christmas, "_Alice_" sent her a card with their new address on it?

He closed his eyes, and curled tightly into Esme's comforting arms.

~ the end ~


End file.
